The first step occurs when one person becomes aware of the other's existence.This may be asymmetric, where I see you but you do not see me, or may be mutual, where we see each other at the same time.Of course this 'putting people in a box' approach is an approximation and may possibly be very inaccurate.It is surprising, however, how many people resist changing their early assessment of others even when faced with significant evidence to the contrary.Tests may first be around the level of involvement at this stage that the other person is seeking, and then whether they want to move to the more intimately engaged next stage.Typically this asks them to do something that demonstrates whether they are ready to move to the next stage.Whenever we meet with new people we quickly make some assessment of them (in a few minutes or even seconds) as we try to categorize them.If I know what sort of person you are, then I know how to interact with you.
When you keep the lines of communication open, you ensure that you are both comfortable and respected in your relationship.Be direct and thoughtful in your statements and questions so the girl understands what you are asking her.You might say something such as, "Mary, you are so much fun to be around and I always look forward to hanging out with you.Take deep breaths and share your feelings with her.
Give her time to respond, and listen to what she has to say.
I'd like something more, maybe even a relationship. " Practice what you want to say until it feels natural, authentic and you feel confident.