When he eventually told her, it turned out she wasn’t OK with it. He has told me not to message or contact him again, and I haven’t seen him since. I still carry a lot of guilt about it all, although I’m currently in a committed monogamous relationship with a man who is not married and am super happy.Regarding the 'home-wrecker' stereotype, I don’t find it accurate.His unavailability was a turn-on, the danger of it all.But it was upsetting because we couldn't do normal couple things.Our relationship started off with him being my mentor and helping me at work. He brought me to the house he lived in with his wife (she moved out and across the country) and that made me uncomfortable.I saw evidence of the fighting they had (holes in the wall, broken banisters), and I just wanted to take care of him.At the same time keeping it under wraps made me feel awful, like he was ashamed of me, or us.
Ultimately I broke up with him and then came back because of his crying and apologizing, only for him to pick an argument with me a week later and say that we were no longer together.There was obviously chemistry, but I was a little uncomfortable at first about him being married, which continued into our relationship.He assured me that his wife was cool with it and that they had a 'don’t ask don’t tell' relationship.He was verbally, mentally, and emotionally abusive toward me.
He almost backhanded me in the face once during a disagreement, but I blocked him, and then he started crying.
Situations are a lot more nuanced than they appear to be.