The men say something similar: “I don’t want to have to answer to someone all the time.I don’t want to ask for permission to buy the car I want or to stay out late with my friends.I don’t want someone making a claim on my hard-earned money. ” If a man or woman thinks of marriage as unpleasant, it will not be possible to find anyone desirable to marry.In short, some people have trouble finding someone to marry because they find the process of looking uncomfortable, and even demeaning.“How can it be,” I asked her, “that you cannot find anyone to date? She said she wanted to get married and had been unsuccessfully looking for someone for years.” “The only men who come on to me are at work, and they are all married.” It turned out Mary Ellen never did anything or went anywhere—except to work. When she returned to work a few weeks later—and to her customary life—she stopped coming to see me. She had no trouble dating, but seemed to sour on men for no particular reason. Finally, she said to me: “You know, there are some disadvantages to getting married. Then I’m going to have to go home and cook dinner for someone else.When I suggested the usual ways of finding someone to date, she demurred. I’m going to have to do his laundry and have sex when he wants to have sex.I’m going to have to worry about how he spends my money.” No wonder she was balking at the prospect of marriage, No wonder she found some excuse to stop seeing anyone who might be a prospective husband.
Le sesy de chate
(See my blog post, “An Argument for Internet Dating.”) It seems to me obvious that the more people you meet, the more likely it is that you will meet and marry someone appropriate. I had three patients who made me think about this problem.Each of them told me that they wanted very much to get married, yet none of them was successful in finding anyone.The first was a woman who had just graduated from nursing school. Although young, Sally was already discouraged about not finding someone to date, let alone get married to.She had just taken a position at a hospital where I knew there were many young doctors who would be working alongside her.
I expected that she was going to be pursued by a number of them. It took me a while to figure out why, Sally had become invisible.
Third, and probably most important, couples meet each other during shared activities, such as academic studies, or sports, or organized social activities, or at church.