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When we did it, it was brief and missionary — a brutally efficient task force. But by the time he moved in with me, he was flummoxed by post-MFA life, how to make it in New York, how to find a job.Chronic anxiety pulverized his sex drive and left him rudderless. Ryan had a boss who was heavily involved in swing culture.

Perhaps worst of all was my mom’s reaction: I was tempting fate, she said, breaking the promise to my husband I’d made on my wedding day.

By the time we got married in 2008, we were barely having sex at all, and we weren’t talking about it. But our problem was not that we craved a voyeuristic adventure; I wanted sexual intimacy that Ryan was unable to provide.

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