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I am a firm believer that there are things that Alex and I have been through together that bond a couple like nothing else.One of the biggest, hardest changes for both of us happened about six months ago when Alex told me that they were genderfluid.I was the first person Alex ever told about being genderfluid. I had come out about three years before this, and had come to accept my identity as a lesbian as a crucial part of who I was.Even in the beginning, I tried to be really positive about it because I knew that in some way this probably felt like coming out as a lesbian all over again. I loved being in a relationship with a woman: Alex was a soft, gentle person who really understood me, which were things I thought only a woman could be or do.Even if you confirm it, as long as it’s your choice, it’s no one’s business to judge you.



Confirming Alex’s gender identity in ways that happen to confirm patriarchal stereotypes makes them feel better.We aren’t letting gender norms control us, but we are using words to describe Alex as a ‘man’ or ‘woman’ to confirm their gender identity.The key to overcoming patriarchy, if you ask me, is not letting it control you. We had known each other as acquaintances in High School, but reconnected through mutual friends while I was finishing my first year of University.

We’ve been together for two years now, and I couldn’t be happier.

Although all these changes- even the ones that don’t involve surgery or hormones- mean that our sex life is substantially different from what it was in the beginning of our relationship, they are okay with me, whether Alex decides to go through with them or not, because I know that sexual intimacy is really about two people coming together to make each other feel good- and in our case, to love each other.