When I was a mama of three very tiny, very messy, very beautiful rug rats, we had DAYS THAT WENT ON FOR LIFETIMES. I was both lonely and absolutely desperate to be alone. I was at my very best today and then, just a moment later, at my very worst. I really care what you have to say and how you feel. And so now when our kids get home from school, we don’t say: “How was your day? What did you say to the new girl when you all went out to recess? Where there any times you felt proud of yourself today? Craig left at am every morning and as I watched his showered, ironed self leave the house I felt incredibly blessed and thrilled to have so much time alone with my babies and incredibly terrified and bitter to have so much time alone with my babies. I was saturated- just BOMBARDED with touch and then the second I put down this baby I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. At today I decided that we should adopt four more children, and then at I decided that we should give up the kids we already have for adoption. I really want to know you.” If we don’t want throw away answers, we can’t ask throw away questions. After a few years of practicing increasingly intimate question asking, now we find ourselves asking each other questions like these: When did you feel loved today? What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?
Between swigs of her martini, she told me she was going to share the most important lesson she ever learned about men, women and dating: Men are idiots. If you can find a man who is less of an idiot than most, or a girl who is less crazy than most, then you’ve done well. They are typically an endless recounting of little details and interactions that swing the poor girl back and forth between thinking he’s into her and thinking he’s not. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – walking down the path of distrust or suspicion is a slippery slope. Check out these two articles that explore the topic of trust in relationships/dating: Does My Boyfriend Really Mean What He Says? Detailed answer here: Can a Girl Say I Love You First?
I am grateful to have such loyal readers who contribute great questions to me.