Rodney dangerfield dating quotes

I had a date with one girl, she had mirrors all over her bedroom. I got Windex.""I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice - I don't know if I'm coming or going.""I got myself good this morning too.I did my pushups in the nude; I didn't see the mouse trap.""I know the best way to get girls. I tell the guy, ' The car behind me is paying for two.'""I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.""My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion.We have also selectively chosen a large collection of Inspirational Quotes, Quotes about Life, Motivational Quotes, Friendship Quotes, Graduation Quotesand and Funny Quotes to help motivate and brighten your day.Many of our more popular author webpages include: Marilyn Monroe Quotes, Bob Marley Quotes, Albert Einstein Quotes, Abraham Lincoln Quotes & Winston Churchill Quotes. Please contact us if you have any suggestions for improving our site. I jump off next Tuesday.""I haven't spoken to my wife in years.I didn't want to interrupt her.""Once, somebody stole our car. She said, ' No, but I did get the license number.'""With my wife, I don't get no respect.In my house, we pray after we eat.""I have good looking kids.Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.""I went to look for a used car and found my wife's dress in the back seat.""I remember one guy gave her a good piece of his mind.

Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.""Boy what a hotel that was. ""I was so depressed that I decided to jump from the tenth floor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes." "When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.""I came from a real tough days, just nights.""Last week, my tie caught on fire; some guy tried to put it out with an axe.""I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.""I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. ' He said, ' I don't know but your eyesight is perfect.'""Last week I told my psychiatrist, ' I keep thinking about suicide.' He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.""I'm at the age where I want two girls.My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.""My doctor told me to watch my drinking. And I drink too much, way too much; my doctor drew blood - he ran a tab! ' Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... In case I fall asleep, they will have someone to talk to.""My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.""The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.""A girl phoned me the other day and said, ' Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over.I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.""My wife had her driver's test the other day. The other 2 guys jumped clear.""I asked him, ' Who said you could fool around with my wife? Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.""My wife's not too smart. She said, ' All kids smell that way.'""My wife has to be the worst cook. So he showed me a naked picture of my wife.""My wife has to be the worst cook.