The man who tortured me was one of the defendants in the notorious Dutroux case, which, when it broke the news in 1996, was believed it would blow up the Belgian pedophile network.But instead, eight years later, only Marc Dutroux received a life sentence.Afterwards, left lying there like a broken object, I felt so humiliated, I had to do something to save my soul, or else — and this I knew for certain — I would have withered and died.Read More: My Name Is Brooke Axtell and I Was Sex Trafficked at Age 7 in the USI raised myself up, and stood looking at the bizarre crowd of aristocrats dressed up as hippies, swaying to the music in various levels of sexual interaction, busily availing themselves of little pills and pre-rolled joints passed around on silver trays by sober waiters.I trembled in fear, but my body straightened and stilled itself like a bow in suspense before the shot, and I heard my voice as though it were not my own, chiding the adults, telling them that this was wrong – that I was going to tell on them, and that they would all go to jail. I was certain that I was going to be killed, but instead I was shown the fresh body of a young murder victim. Read More: ' I Remember the Smells, the Sights, and the Taste of Slavery': Jessa Dillow Crisp Shares Her Story During the week, I went to school. I remember, once, in the second grade, becoming aware of an energetic shift in the room, to realize all eyes were on me.Trippy, spacey music was oozing through the atmosphere and most people were too high to notice me. He looked scared, but he held my gaze for a brief moment, and seemed to feel for me. I never saw him again in the network, but years later I did spot him on TV. The teacher had been calling on me, and I had been too spaced out to hear.My mother sold me, and drove me wherever, whenever she got the call. Their faces were familiar to the masses, while I was confronted with the dark side of their power addiction — the side no one would believe existed.
Power addicts, world leaders, and corrupt politicians who abuse children are themselves like children who never grew up, driven to power to avoid ever feeling the humiliation of child abuse again, unconsciously seeking revenge from a place of hurt by recycling the abuse. Those of us who have suffered sexual abuse, incest or sex trafficking need to learn to harness our survival strength on our own behalf, so we can heal our damaged ego, and channel that strength to lead the way towards a future in which former victims conquer by love, understanding and compassion for all.I should have died that night in 1974 on that butcher's block, but my life was saved at the last minute.While I had been tortured, the young man had been negotiating with the politician in charge of the network.It would take several more years, many more hours of therapy, to finally share this memory with one safe person.
I share this experience publicly here for the first time, having finally reached a place in my healing where I have access once again to the strength that came through me in those moments of clarity in the network.
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