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Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex psychotherapist based in San Francisco, to help us out with the specifics.This week’s topic: How to hook up with someone without all the guilt. I’m happiest having sex when I’m in a relationship, but I’m fine with having casual sex to fulfill my needs when I’m single.Once you’re mid hook-up and the hormones are raging, it can be difficult not to get swept up in the moment.Your original intentions can go right out the window.If this hook-up is just about feeling good and not having to worry about all of the complicated relationship stuff, why not try to get as much pleasure out of it as you can?

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Who better to practice with than someone with whom the stakes are relatively low?There’s a term called “enthusiastic consent” that I teach to many of my clients.Enthusiastic consent means that you happily and actively desire something.Be a generous and giving sexual partner (within your boundaries, of course). If you and a potential hook-up partner have mutual friends, ask them about him.

Consider inviting guys back to your place if you have roommates (the embarrassment of a roommate overhearing you might be outweighed by the safety of having someone around should you need help).

I think it’s an important part of every adult woman’s sexual development to acknowledge that she is in control of her own body.